Jack M
by MaireadSystem
Summary: I don't wish for any other fate. It's not as if my life is over... well, it is. But that won't stop me. This is Jack, telling it as I see it.
1. How It Should Have Ended

_If you're not familiar with how things work in Mairead's system, please read my profile and this little drabble will make more sense._

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One: How It Should Have Ended

Mairead got curious and started looking at the stories for my cannon. I must say I'm not surprised that there aren't many, but what was here prompted me to write this. You see, I saw a couple with summaries explaining that the story is "how it should have ended," and that ruffles my feathers a bit.

I am of the opinion that things could not have happened any other way. No, that they _shouldn't_ have happened any other way.

Starting at the very beginning: my mother. What if she hadn't been alone? What if she'd had a husband to take her to a "proper" doctor? Well, then I'd have been born in a hospital, or in their home, in a respectable manner... and I doubt any of us would ever have met Madeleine. Being born in a more usual home would mean my mother didn't have to hike up the mountain on the coldest-ever day on earth. It would mean I didn't need a new heart. It would make me completely ordinary.

So then, given the extraordinary circumstances that led me to have my cuckoo-clock heart and the absolutely incredible surrogate mother that I had, supposing Madeleine had been a bit more honest with me? What if she had taught me about love from the beginning? Why, I might have been afraid of it. I might have been afraid to love even _her,_ and that would have been terrible. On the other hand, I might have been too bold, thinking I knew all there was to know about love. I might have rushed into it with no hesitation and died at ten years old and missed the wonderful adventures I had at fourteen.

What if Miss Acacia hadn't had to flee Edinburgh? I'd have seen her at school, and Joe wouldn't have dared bully me in front of her. I'm sure he would still have found occasion to do so in private, and perhaps she'd have thought me a bit pathetic, not being able to defend myself for fear of losing my temper and _dying..._ not to mention stabbing someone's eye out. Maybe at ten she'd have found me a nuisance and not taken me seriously. Joe was much more self-assured at that age. I'm not at all sure she wouldn't have chosen him if I had not had the time away from her to grow and mature a bit.

I say a bit because I know that even now I can be rather silly at times.

Anyway, what if I had not run into Jack the Ripper? Hair-raising as that experience was, it led me to conceal myself under the seat in a rail car moments before that car was entered by my friend Monsieur Melies. The malfunction of his machine led him to discover me, and he was the best friend of my short life.

Then suppose I had not rediscovered Miss Acacia in Andalusia? I would never have stopped searching for her. My love for her would have been the death of me just the same, even if it took a little longer. If I had never taken the job on the Ghost Train, I might not have built up the courage to tell her who I was. If I hadn't told her, I'd have died a thousand deaths in silence.

What if Joe had been delayed just an hour and Miss Acacia and I had made our escape? I'm sure we would have had a short time of bliss until she realized what she was truly doing to my heart. Than she'd have been angry with me and there would have been a fight... true, I would have liked for Joe to not be involved in it, but it would have ended the same. She would have left in an effort to protect me.

What if she hadn't forgotten to give me back my key? What difference would it have made? I was damaged. The key could only put off the inevitable. I might have had my heart repaired, but I doubt even a proper clock maker could have done it in time. Madeleine was the only one who truly knew my inner workings well enough to repair damage that severe on such short notice. As I told George, I needed a new one. And there simply was not one to be had. I threw away the key because I didn't want to put off my death. I wanted Miss Acacia to understand that I was choosing to end it early, because it was the only way she would stop holding back. Even if I'd somehow gotten repaired, or gotten a new heart, she would never feel safe with her feelings anymore. She would be too afraid of damaging me. That wouldn't be fair to either of us.

What if her kiss had "broken the spell" and been the thing I needed to make me "a real boy" all along? I know my story is rather like a fairy tale, but one has to draw the line somewhere. The truth is, some things are worth giving up your happy ending for. I mean, what's a happy ending anyway? "They all lived happily ever after." It's simply not true. No one lives forever, and as long as you live, you can't be happy for more than a few hours straight, even. It would drive you mad. Life's sweetness is tempered with tears.

Whatever life of forced happiness I might have had, it could not compare with the experience of that one moment, that moment frozen and suspended in below-freezing air and a scatter of snowflake-confetti. The moment when I did not hope, did not dream, did not even believe—I _knew_ that she loved me as I loved her. It filled my heart, the soul I was unaware of until that moment. It was all I could ever have wanted.

I won't try to tell you that I don't look back on it with wistfulness, wishing I could taste that moment just a little longer. But I know it would improve nothing. Let me tell you what happened after the end of that story. If you wish to keep it intact in your mind, I understand—stop here. But for me, there is more.

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 _More to follow. I know Jack Frost has been working on his story, and Levi eventually wants to finish the one he started, but we have to write as we are inspired, and tonight I was the inspired one. The others express their apologies for their delays._


	2. A New Love

_I don't expect many people to read this chapter, but if you do, I hope you'll tell me what you think of it. Thank you very much. ~Jack M.  
_

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Two: A New Love

Everything stopped. No sound, no movement, no warmth... I opened my eyes and found death to taste less bitter than I had imagined. I could still see her beautiful face, poised as she kissed me. I knew I would never know what she did after that—if she was surprised after all, if she held me in the snow, if she wept a long time. There was no point in lingering. I caressed her sweet face one more time and turned to my grave.

I was sad about William. I'm sure that Madeleine's arrest must have been what killed him—what "done him in," Luna would say. His little grave marker looked forlorn, though not so much as mine.

Mine was shaped traditionally, like a cross, but the arms looked like the hands of a clock. It may seem funny, but I had no instinct to sink into the ground or any such thing. I didn't see my body lying about. That told me instantly that all I could see and touch here was my last glimpse of my life. I couldn't really change anything here. It was an echo of what was real. Instead of going down into my grave, I had the urge to go upward. To heaven? I don't know, really; just on. To see what was up there, beyond the snowfall.

I climbed onto my marker and then grasped the suspended graupel. It did not feel cold and held up better than one would expect. I began climbing the sky, up and up and up, never getting tired. My heart didn't hurt anymore and I could breathe freely. I looked down once and everything was just as I had left it. I could see the village below, and nothing stirred. It was all like a painting of a frame from a film reel. The film would continue without me, and all I had was the painting which would never move. I didn't look back again.

Little did I know the impact which the film about me would have on Mairead. She is the sort of person who cannot abide watching a film too soon after a previous viewing. Sometimes it takes years before she can watch even a favorite again. So when I tell you that she watched my film four times in a week, you understand that it moved her a great deal. When a book or film or her own imagination brings to life for her a character with whom she can relate, or whom she admires a good deal, that character often becomes an alter: a personality she can slip into when it seems preferable to dealing with life as herself.

So, due to the impact my film had upon her, when I climbed up into that bank of clouds which had hitherto been dropping its flakes to the earth, I suddenly found myself in a different world. Some alters come fully equipped to deal with life in this dimension, but I was not so fortunate. The pain and shortness of breath returned worse than ever.

It's hazy now, but I remember the smoke rising from my clock and someone asking me if I was all right—Eren, probably. I think they got me to lie down, and gave me some water or something. Then they were talking about how to fix me, and whom they could ask for help. They seemed really afraid that I might die... and I couldn't help feeling some irony over that. I had already died once that day; it seemed silly to do it again so soon. Jack Frost offered to fly around looking for spare parts, but they needed someone who would know what to _do_ with them, or it would do no good.

The only clock maker they could think of to fix me was Gepetto (of Pinocchio), but Mairead didn't have a real connection with that character, and no one from his cannon had ever visited before. They consulted her friend Kitsune (one of the few to whom Mairead has confided about us alters) but they couldn't come up with anything else, even though it seemed like they were forgetting someone important.

I learned that the same thing happened before Leo was called in to heal Eren once. In his own world, Eren heals very quickly on his own, but here a strange wound appeared in his side for no apparent reason. They were thinking of calling in Richard Kimble (The Fugitive) or even Carlisle (Twilight), but it seemed like there must be someone Mairead was a little more connected to. Sure enough, they finally thought of Leo, and he was able to come and help. He's been coming by now and again ever since.

Anyway, they were about to ask Leo about Gepetto because my situation seemed quite dire, but then someone remembered that Nick Burkhardt (Grimm) had visited a few times, and he had a friend obsessed with clocks: Monroe. They wasted no more time, but called Leo in and quickly explained the situation. Leo went to Nick's world, and Nick easily persuaded his friend to come. Apparently, once Monroe knew it was a horological emergency, he asked no questions, but threw together a bag of parts and tools and gladly came through to another dimension. Brave man, or just that obsessed.

Monroe was very pleased to make my acquaintance, and I his. In a way, he reminded me a bit of George. I think it was his delight in small mechanics. He quickly got a grasp of how my heart functioned and began a series of delicate operations, first stopping further damage from occurring, and then beginning the repairs in earnest. I must have been struggling along at less than fifty-percent capacity, a truly dangerous level for me. But by the time he was done, I felt at about eighty percent. He is truly a craftsman.

No one here knows how to make Madeleine's tear liquor, but we have found that even raw tears have a reviving effect on me. When one of the group happens to shed tears, they are kind enough to let me have them. I've tried brewing my own version of the liquor, but it doesn't come out right. Still, between Monroe and the occasional tears I receive from my friends here, I get along all right.

I've been living in this world for more than four months now, and the others have made me feel very welcome. Contrary to his nature in his own world, here Eren is readily accepting of newcomers. It didn't take him long to start offering me hugs and to bid me good night with an accompanying "I love you" as he gives the others. It worried me at first—love killed me in my last life. But I've found that this kind of love doesn't have the same effect on me at all. Just as Madeleine could love me and I her with no more than the usual consequences of familial affection, the love of and for my new friends seems quite harmless. In fact, I think it has helped me a good deal.

I've decided I'm not going to fall in love again. Oh, perhaps one day I could find another Miss Acacia somewhere, in some world. But I'm ticking away just fine, and I've found a new love to explore, so why spoil it? I want to focus on having friends, not lovers. I didn't have friends my own age before, and Jack and Eren are filling that void quite nicely. They even modified an Easter cupcake to look like a cuckoo clock for my birthday in April. As for Levi, he's giving me an idea of what it might have been to have a dad. He is strict, but reasonable, and always sees that I remember to wind my clock every day, and that we all have enough to eat and get proper sleep.

Oh, how could I wind my clock without the key? They got me a new one. They actually ordered a little key-wound clock online, and with a little help from Mairead's imagination and some magic, the version on our plane fits my heart perfectly. As long as I remember to wind it and get the occasional tear, Monroe need service me only every month or two, so I'm able to live as normal a life as I might under the circumstances.

Incidentally, to distinguish me from Jack Frost, I've asked the others to call me Jack M. M for Madeleine, not Melies. George was my dearest friend, but Madeleine was my family, the only family I ever knew, and I think it fitting that I should carry on her name. She is my only true regret from my previous life. If I had known what she would suffer on my account, I would have tried much harder to keep my temper under control.

Unlike the others, I don't look forward to returning to my own world when Mairead no longer needs me. There's nothing for me to go back to. But Jack has promised that if and when the time comes, he will take me to his world. He will introduce me to Father Christmas (he tells me that Nickolas St. North is very good with clockworks), the Easter Bunny, Sandman and even the Tooth Fairy. It sounds lovely, and I think I'll take him up on it. In the meantime, Eren is determined to keep me here. I've started to fade out a couple of times, slipping into a sort of nothingness halfway between here and my Edinburgh. Each time, Eren has determinedly dragged me back. He refuses to let me return to my world, and I'm grateful. Because I'm my own ghost. I'm really dead this time. And that makes life here all the sweeter.

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 _Thank you for reading my story. I would like very much to hear from you. Yours, Jack M.  
_


	3. Not Dead Here

_Unexpected part 3, added 9/6/2017_

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I didn't think I'd be writing any more to post here, but here I am. I confess I've been a bit depressed of late. I've been missing home a lot and feeling a little bitter about not being able to go back. Dead at fourteen… I'm a little better now, thanks to the kind attention of the others, but I was "in a bad place" for a while there.

Levi doesn't abide brooding for long. He'll watch his chance to get you alone and then pounce on you with uncomfortably direct questions so you can't dodge them. When I explained about my homesickness, and how I feel useless here sometimes, as if there's no point to anything (I especially feel this way when I think of Madeleine, and how much I regret having to leave her), he intimated that he understood something of what I felt, having lost his own mother young and having had to grow up quickly and go live in a very different environment. However, he wound up by reminding me, "You're not dead here."

It was quite an obvious statement of course, and yet I hadn't really thought much about it. Back home, I'm dead. I've got a grave and all, and by now it really does contain my remains. But here, I'm most definitely not dead. I can interact with other people; I can do things, feel things. In short, what he was really saying was, "stop feeling sorry for yourself and you may feel more useful." Only more gently put. Still, the quiet reminder had a strong impact, and I felt a little ashamed, to be honest.

Since then, I've been trying to make myself more active and useful, though there aren't many opportunities. I've been "in front" more lately, since Mairead is hoping to dress as me for Halloween, and she's a bit excited about it. Still, more fronting time is more time to actively brood.

Even though we've all been living together a good while now, I'm still a little shy of the others, especially Levi. I admire him and crave his approval, and I suppose that's what it's like for many young men with their dads or older brothers. But Levi and Eren are very close, so I often feel like I'm intruding when I try to spend time with him.

Jack Frost has been the one I spend the most time with, and I usually sleep near him at night. We all pile into bed together, pulling out a copy of Mairead's bed on our plane so it's twice as wide. I vaguely remember sharing Madeleine's bed when I was very small, but I never had any siblings, so it took some getting used to. Jack is willing to curl up quite close to me, but if he's not the one in front at the time, I can feel the air around him turning a bit too cold for my liking.

Thinking of Joe and the bullying I endured, I longed for someone I could think of as a protector to sleep beside me. Jack is a protector of children, of course, but I want to get away from thinking of myself as a child. A few nights ago, I saw that Eren had fallen asleep quickly, so I crept closer to Levi, timidly asking if it was all right. It was—he welcomed me literally with open arms and even let me listen to his heart.

A real heartbeat… I don't remember having one. I know I did once, but it was defective. Now and again, I can forget that I'm not normal, but listening to Levi's heart, I was filled with longing and a touch of self-loathing, and the old desire for a different heart crept back in, along with some of my fear. After all, nothing had changed. I was just as fragile as ever I had been.

He didn't say anything then, but when I asked to listen to his heart on another occasion, he asked me some more of those direct questions. I tried to make some excuse for my melancholia, but he decided to call me out. I admitted that I was scared, but didn't want to say of what.

He told me that my fear was understandable under the circumstances. I wasn't sure whether that should make me feel better. He said it was all right to say what I was thinking, but I couldn't know if he really guessed at my thoughts, or if he was off-base.

"We all know," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, still not willing to make myself that vulnerable.

"We all know—and we know that you know—that any of us could kill you very easily."

Somehow I hadn't expected him to come right out and say it, and once he did, I could scarcely believe it. He went on… saying something about it being a terrible position for me, and how I couldn't do anything but trust whoever I was with. I had no choice. I had always known this, but I'd never heard it put so plainly before. It was why I hadn't tried harder to defend myself from Joe. I knew if I fought back, he might kill me, intentionally or not.

He assured me that none of them wanted to harm me, and I believed him, but it didn't completely remove my fear. He said he would do his best to protect me, and that felt good… and yet, I still was not completely at ease.

"May I touch your heart?" he asked.

I felt my fear spike for a moment. What if Levi was actually sadistic and had only been playing the nurturing protector, waiting his chance to betray me? What if he was about to savor my horror as he crushed my fragile heart to smithereens? But we had just been talking of trust and how I had no choice but to employ it. If he wanted to smash me, there was nothing I could do to stop him—trained soldier as he was and mere "shrimp with muscles" that I was. On the other hand, if I trusted him, perhaps my trust would be rewarded. Perhaps I would find him to be the friend I had longed for.

"All right," I heard myself say quietly.

He was careful not to touch the hands of my heart, instead running his fingers lightly over the wooden exterior of my clock. It didn't hurt a bit.

"Is this all right?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered, still a little nervous, but allowing myself to feel some relief at still being intact.

He left off then and put his arms gently around me.

The relief overwhelmed me a little, and I think I was trembling, but I nestled in against him rather than pulling away.

"It's all right," he said softly.

I sniffed, having to fight tears a little. "Thank you," I whispered. "For always being so kind to me."

"You're welcome," he answered. He stroked my hair, and I was soon able to fall asleep.

Since then, I've felt a lot more confident of my trust in Levi. He has told me that I can discuss anything with him, however uncomfortable or worrying. I've never known him to be angry with me—not that I do a lot of angering things, you understand, but one always worries. He also seems able to treat me as an adult, which is gratifying—but also to give fatherly attention when that's what I need. Much as I want to be a man, I think even adults have moments when they want to shed their responsibilities and just be cared for.

Eren has been tactfully keeping out of the way when he senses that I want to talk with Levi, and proven to be a very thoughtful friend. I gather it's a quality he's developed here, being a bit more careless in his previous life.

My heart was doing poorly for a while, and though Jack noticed it, I didn't tell the others for a while. I didn't see any point in worrying them. Of course I got lectured for that afterwards, and as it turned out, there was something they could do. They brought Monroe back to work on me again, and he ordered some new, tiny cogs. We had to wait a few weeks for them to come from overseas, but when they arrived, he performed a very delicate operation that was rather painful for me (they didn't dare put me under anesthesia since none of us is actually a doctor) but which seemed to do me a world of good. When he was done, I felt better than I had since I first arrived in this world, and as long as I remember to stay wound, I usually feel upwards of eighty-percent.

I have also found a way to be useful, at last. Eren and Levi usually take turns "fielding the pain," as they put it. That means that one person is in charge of feeling all the physical ailments that Mairead goes through, leaving the other alters free to concentrate on other things. Each month she has what we call a "Dementor attack," a period of depression during which she is riddled with pain and feels as if she will never be cheerful again, and only chocolate seems to be much help. Whoever fields the pain during this time is always given special treatment.

I agreed to take the pain this month. Pain is something with which I'm well acquainted, so I was up for the challenge. The others are taking exceptional consideration for me, fixing my food, asking if there's any little thing they can do to help, and with some medicine and chocolate, it's not so bad.

All right, it's bad… It's a different sort of pain that I'm not used to. But it's helped me get closer to the others and built our camaraderie. Jack distracts me with his mischief and Levi and Eren check every so often to make sure I'm doing all right. They are very good to me. If they'll let me, I want to go on fielding the pain so they can get on with other things that I'm not able to help with.

So, that's my life now… good friends, intense pain I don't mind so much, and a sort of second family coming together around me. I know I still have some hard times ahead, but I think it will all be worth it, and I'm going to be all right.

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 _Thank you for reading this update, and I would like very much to hear from you. Yours indefinitely, Jack M._


	4. By the Time You Read This

_January 20, 2018_

 _This may be the last time I post. If so, it has been a pleasure. Thank you so much for reading and you may still feel free to post comments.  
_

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It's difficult to believe that I've been here nearly a year. I thought I'd have left long before this, but my friends have held on to me for a long time, and I'm grateful.

Jack Frost took me to see his world once. We just flew above it and he pointed out various things to me. It looked much like my world, or Mairead's, but it had its own quality that I can't quite explain. It was beautiful, and I felt more sure than before of what I'd been thinking lately: that it's time for me to go.

I've brought it up more in the last week or so. We even told Mairead's friend Kitsune, that I might be going soon. Two new alters arrived in December—Benton Fraser and Ray Kowalski—and Ray has been in front a lot, being the newest. That often happens with the new chap. Mairead will be excited to explore a new character, and therefore he will end up doing a lot of talking and exploring this world. The downside is that he usually ends up fielding the pain as well.

Anyway, I've felt with the newcomers apparently planning to stay for some time, that it is truly time that I leave. Six alters really is too much, and I'm ready for a change.

I decided officially on our way to work this morning. This evening (the nineteenth; I'm writing after midnight), we went to a gathering of friends, and afterwords walked out with Kitsune and another friend. We said goodbye and went to the car. Then I realized we hadn't told our friend that I had officially decided to leave. We went back to her quickly and Eren explained.

"Yeah, you said he might be," she said.

"Quite soon," I told her. "So, this may be the last time you see me."

She hugged me and I held her tightly, ignoring the pressure it put on my clock.

"It's been an absolute pleasure," I told her quietly.

"I was going to say the same," she answered.

I closed my eyes. She is such a patient, understanding friend. She has taken all of us under her wing as extensions of Mairead, and even though I didn't usually do the talking when we were together, I felt loved by her as I know the others did. "Thank you," I whispered.

I know my eyes were moist as we parted. I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I'm certain she got the message. Perhaps she'll even get around to reading this one day. She knows about this account and the purpose it serves, and about my posting my story.

On the way home, Ray and Constable Fraser expressed regret that they had not had more time to get to know me. So, we agreed to take the time tonight. Ray asked me about Madeleine and Miss Acacia, and confided to me some details about his own experience with love.

"When I was ten years old, I met Miss Acacia," I said.

He smiled. "I was about that age when I met Stella." Ray has been married and divorced, and it is a subject that seems to prey on him a bit. He hoped to have children with his beloved, but she did not share the desire, and apparently that was the loose thread that started their marriage unraveling. I suppose he's old enough to be my dad, and he may be wishing I'd stay longer so he could try playing that role for me. But it's time to go, I think.

I explained as best I could that Acacia had been my world... as well as what kept me from realizing how I had failed Madeleine until it was too late.

"It wasn't really your fault," he said. "I mean, you lost your temper... but anyone would have."

I supposed he might be right about that, considering Joe's treatment of me. And obviously, Madeleine had not blamed me for it, or she would not so calmly arranged my escape, instead of scolding me for my actions.

"I can't bring myself to think of what she might be doing now," I said of Acacia. "How she might have moved on, whether she grieved long for me, or whether she's seeing someone else."

"You can't do that," he agreed. "Once she's decided to move on, all you can do is stay back and wish her well. How old are you, again?"

"Fourteen."

He swore and then apologized—that's a rule here. If you use certain words, you are required to say sorry immediately. Other words, Mairead is more tolerant about, and still others require consequences. In any case, after that he said, "I was around the same age you were when I fell in love, but I was a lot older than you when I had to deal with the grown-up stuff. Late twenties, early thirties. You're very mature for your age."

It isn't that I want to leave this home. As I told Eren earlier, everyone here has become my family; the best family I could ever ask for. A band of brothers. I'm even a bit afraid to leave, and I'm sure I will be homesick for this family when I do. But I don't belong here, any more than I belonged back in Edinburgh. I'm hopeful that I'll finally find my place in the north pole workshop. I'm sure to be well cared-for, and I think I can find a way to be useful as well.

I must leave off here because I feel myself getting very sleepy. I'll most likely bed down between Ray and Levi tonight, and try to see that I leave nothing unsaid when Frost takes me away. I may drop in on this world again, especially if Mairead decides to cosplay me again, but I think it wise to say my goodbyes as if I were not coming back.

* * *

Morning at last. Mairead was exhausted, so we went to sleep quickly and I didn't get the chance to talk to the others—just Ray a little more, and Jack Frost a bit. I knew I'd be talking to Jack more, because he would be the one taking me away.

Ray put his arm over me, resting his hand just under my heart. Asked me whether I were all right. I am, for the most part.

He gave me a hug and said, "I hope I see you again. But if I don't, I'm glad I got to meet you."

"Same," I answered, and told him I wished I could have known him longer.

"You don't have to go," he said, almost mischievously.

I smiled. "Yes, I do."

"Okay. Take care of yourself."

"I think I'll be well taken care of."

I got out my key and wound my clock. Then I sat with Constable Fraser for a bit. I'd already told him last night that I admired him a good deal, as a man and his career as a peacekeeper and law enforcement officer. He expressed his goodwill for me and I wished him luck wherever his path led. It's clear to me that he and Ray have a strong bond of friendship that is likely to keep them together, or at least to keep bringing them back together, and I hope Jack and I can maintain such a friendship.

Eren was next, and he folded me into his arms immediately. "I love you so much," he whispered.

I've always been a bit taken aback by how freely Eren has shown me affection, but I've come to welcome it. "And I you, Eren," I told him. "You've been like a brother to me. I will never forget you... or any of you."

"I'm going to miss you so much," he said, voice very tight.

I knew he'd said goodbye to many friends, and few of them had come back. I didn't want to make any promises I wasn't sure I could keep, but I hated to make him so sad. "I hope I can come back," I said.

He was struggling not to weep openly. "Sorry," he said. "I wasn't going to fall apart like this."

"You're just giving me some tears for the journey," I said. Eren had probably been my most frequent supplier of tears.

He smiled weakly and then gave an exasperated laugh. "And now I can't even get the tear out," he said.

They were standing in his eyes, not falling. I carefully touched my finger to the corner of his eye, lifting the tear away. I licked it off and then stole the tear from his other eye and brushed the moisture away from his face. My heart immediately felt a little stronger. "Thank you."

I couldn't say any more to him. I knew we'd both be a tearful mess if I did.

"Levi," I said, approaching the captain.

He looked at me with a barely perceptible expression, something one has to become accustomed to before one can learn to read it. His face doesn't change much; it's mostly the eyes that tell you what's going on behind it. I felt he looked a bit wistful and a bit proud. He offered me his hand, and I knew he was giving me the chance to say goodbye man to man.

I took his hand and shook it firmly, but I suppose I'm still a boy after all, because I had to hug him, too. I wanted to thank him for all he had been to me, but couldn't find suitable words to do so. Finally, I told him, "I'll think of you often."

He held me silently for a while before saying, "As long as you don't let your past spoil the bright future ahead of you... thank you."

How like him to put himself, even my memory of him, aside as something unimportant in comparison to what he hoped would be a better life for me. I wanted to duck down and listen to his heart one more time, but that was something rather personal one didn't just do where the other alters could observe in the daylight, especially not to someone as reserved as the captain. Instead, I pulled my arm round between us and placed my hand over his heart.

I would have stayed like that indefinitely, but then he kissed my head and firmly pushed me away. "Shall we call Monroe?" he asked.

"Yes, I suppose so," I answered. I wanted the chance to say goodbye to the man who had likely saved my second life, and seeing Monroe would mean that I got to see Leo as well.

"We'll see if they can join us for breakfast," Levi said.

So, while Ray and I feed the cat, Levi is going to call Leo to get Monroe and start fixing our morning meal.

* * *

Leo arrived to an enthusiastic embrace from Eren. His cheerful smile sobered when he learned the reason of his summons. He agreed to fetch Monroe.

While he was gone, Eren said to me, "I guess you won't miss having to deal with someone else's pain."

"I didn't mind it," I said. "I was glad to feel useful."

"You definitely were," he said.

Leo returned with Monroe shortly, and we all had some of Levi's beautiful omelets together. There was sour cream to use up, so that went into the eggs in lieu of milk, along with some salt and minced mushroom and sweet pepper. Washed down with some juice infused with immune system-boosting tablet (Mairead's anxiety and depression have made her rather susceptible to illness of late), we consumed it in the living room while watching an installment of _Midsomer Murders,_ Mairead's latest Netflix interest.

Monroe took a look at my clock and declared that beyond a bit of oil, there wasn't anything it required of him before my departure.

"I'm gonna miss you," he told me.

I expressed the same sentiments, and assured him that, from what Jack had told me, Mr. North would be quite capable of servicing my clock. When I thanked him for all he'd done for me, he claimed it had been purely for "selfish reasons," he being such an avid enthusiast of clockworks. But I knew that wasn't entirely true.

"Well, it's been really, really good getting to know you," Monroe said after breakfast. "If you ever need me again, I'll be there."

"Thank you." I turned to Leo. "And thank you, Leo. You've been very helpful."

"Glad to," said Leo. "Let me give you a hug?"

I nodded. So many hugs in one day... it was helping, though. Helping to make me feel ready to leave them. Each embrace was different, and this one gave me a full sense of Leo's role as guardian angel.

"I'll look in on you from time to time, okay?" he told me.

"I'd like that," I said.

"Good luck, kid," Monroe said, as Leo prepared to take him away again.

"Thank you."

"I'll see you around," said Leo. Then they disappeared in a cloud of blue sparks.

"Can I hug you again?" Eren asked when they were gone.

"Of course," I said.

He didn't say anything this time, and I knew that this was it. "You will hear from me. I promise," I told him.

I'm finishing up this tale before I say my very final goodbyes. I've told Jack he can write a little epilogue to this chapter when he returns from taking me to his world, because by the time you read this, I'll already be gone. I'm so grateful for the few who have followed my story. If you have anything to tell me, Jack or Leo will see that I get the message. Thank you very much and I hope to give you a report on how I'm getting on at the north pole. May you find an equally satisfying path to follow. I won't say happy ending, because if we're honest, the end is not usually the happiest bit of our stories, and this is most certainly not my ending.

Yours ever, Jack Madeleine

* * *

Jack Frost here. I took Jack M. straight to the north pole when we got to my world. My good friend Nicholas St. North welcomed him with open burly arms and gave him the grand tour. The elves like him, the yetis like him, and North himself seems thrilled to have him there.

North had prepared a clockwork-themed room for him, and it looks like he went kind of overboard with it. There are big and little clocks all over the place, with gears built into the actual walls—moving parts and everything! Jack kind of stared at it with his mouth hanging open, and I thought maybe it was really going to get on his nerves. He hears ticking all the time already... this was a lot to take in.

Apparently, North realized how overwhelming it was, because he asked kind of meekly, "Is too much? I can change it."

Jack blinked and then smiled at him. "I just can't believe you did all this for me," he said.

North waved a hand like it was nothing at all. "If you live here, you must be comfortable. If there's any little thing you don't like, you tell me. I change it," he repeated.

Jack took off his coat and looked around the room. "Give me some time to think and I'll let you know," he said.

I thought that was tactful of him. I mean, it was cool. Really cool. But really too much.

"Look here," North said, going one of the side walls and pulling a lever. Two wall panels slid back, revealing a fireplace. "In case you are cold. It takes time to adjust to the climate."

"Thank you," Jack said, his expression as awed as I felt.

I always knew North could do amazing things with mechanics, but I hadn't imagined it could carry over to home decor like this. "That is so cool," I said, going to get a closer look. "There's an adjustable flue and everything..."

"That is the damper," North corrected me. "That little lever there."

Jack tried moving it. "It's lovely. Was this here before?"

"No, this was a storage room for gift wrap before. Not safe to have fire in such a place."

I chuckled at the thought of a room full of wrapping paper blazing away. North shot me a dark look.

"So... you made this for me, too?" asked Jack.

"Yes. As I say, you must be comfortable."

"I don't know what to say. You've gone to a lot of trouble."

"Is no trouble!" North scoffed. "We just had Christmas; I needed a new project."

I could tell that once Jack adjusted to the place, he and North were going to be good friends. He'd never known his dad, and North had always loved kids. It was a good arrangement for both of them. And of course, I knew that the other Guardians would help look after him, too.

"I did not know what to put in your room besides the usual things," North went on. "So, you must tell me what you like. What makes you happy?"

"Well..." Jack sat on the edge of the metal-framed bed and looked up at the brass-colored molding. "I like music," he said. "Music boxes and so forth. Victrolas."

"Ah. I will have many ideas for you."

"Please, don't take any trouble on my account."

"Is no trouble."

Jack smiled and looked down at the floor. He was sitting with his knees together and his hands clasped on top of them. I thought he looked shy.

"Do you want me to stay for a while?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"You're very kind, but you should be getting back," he told me. "Eren will be missing you."

 _He'll be missing you more, since you're not coming back,_ I thought. "Okay... Do you have your key?"

"Yes." He put his hand over his pocket.

"I'll come see you before long. You know I'll be coming to see Pitch and the others now and then anyway, and I won't leave you out."

"I know. Thanks."

I decided not to hug him again in front of North and the couple of elves that were hovering in the doorway. Instead I just put one arm around his shoulders and gave him a little squeeze. I stood up and leaned on my staff. "Take good care of him," I told North.

"Of course. You take care of yourself, Jack."

"Don't I always?" I gave them both a grin and flew out over the heads of the elves, who ducked in panic.

When I got back to Mairead's world, several hours had gone by. The others had gone to her day job and were on their way home. I flew down to the car as they were getting off the highway and let myself in.

Eren seemed particularly glad to see me, and I was sure he'd been missing me and Jack already. I filled everyone in on how things had gone and told them I thought Jack and North were going to get along great once they got to know each other.

"Sounds like he should have gone a long time ago," Eren said, looking kind of guilty.

"Nah," I said. "He liked it here. And he's going to miss us, too. But it's not like we won't hear from him."

"Yeah."

We started making plans for what was left of the day.

I do miss him already. It'll be weird to not ask him if he remembered to wind his clock. Not having him near me at night. Not being able to share my jokes and mischief with him. It really was the best thing, though. And I think by the time I see him again, he'll probably have found his niche and have some cool stuff to tell and show me.

So, I'm not sure if this is the last chapter of this story and we'll tell about news from Jack in other stories, or if we'll come back here and add to this one. But I am sure that we haven't heard the last from him. If you want to drop him a line, we'll make sure he gets the message.

Thanks for following Jack's journey with us.

Love, Jack Frost


End file.
